Bad Timing
by nyxlily
Summary: Ever notice SG1 never seem to set foot on a new world without causing trouble? Maybe it's just bad timing. New chapter added because it's just fun!
1. Chapter 1

A really really short chapter that I wrote out of boredom. I was going to start a serious story but I keep finding myself writing humor. Well, as humorous as I could make it! Reviews are great, really like reviews.

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"Daniel, what's up?" Jack asked, a hint of worry laced through the words spoken so casually.

Daniel waved Jack away distractedly without breaking the quiet discussion with the locals. Jack knew it was serious when there were none of the enthusiastic gestures or animated expressions on his face; the whole group, in fact, was quite subdued.

Sam cast the colonel a look that spoke volumes while Teal'c remain ever vigilant to their surroundings. "Whatever it is, sir, it couldn't have been us this time."

"This time, Major?" Jack teared his gaze away from the increasingly agitated group to raise an inquiring brow at her.

"A majority of the problems we've encountered with off-world cultures could be traced back to the moment of our arrival." Teal'c stated it as a matter of fact.

Jack turn his eyes to the Jaffa, "doesn't mean it was _our_ fault!"

Sam slid an involuntary glance to Teal'c before replying, "yes, sir."

"Carter, if you're implying--"

"Jack? We've gotta go." Daniel was hurrying back to his team, the locals hard on his heels and looking either angry or fearful; it was hard to tell with the overall panic in their body language.

"What's going on?" The colonel in O'Neill demanded even while his trust in his friend urged his team to get moving.

"Some sort of ritual we, uh, accidentally interrupted. We just don't want to be here." Daniel's pace quicken as he replied.

"What will happen if we were to remain?" Teal'c asked, though he show no outward concern.

"Um, I'll explain later." Their cultural expert cast a backwards glance before breaking into a jog.

"It doesn't involve us being frayed alive, does it?" Typical cynical Jack question, but it elicited no response from Daniel.

"Does it?" Jack enunciated each word carefully.

"Well..."

"Our timing really really sucks."

Sam couldn't help agreeing whole-heartedly.


	2. Chapter 2

It was too fun to leave alone. More bad timing, but on the part of the SGC.

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SG-1 arrived at the 'gate with the natives a few paces behind them. As they approach the DHD, Daniel turned back to face the alien culture to try to placate them.

"Someone dial home. I'm going to try to stall."

Jack muttered something and stepped up behind Daniel, weapon at the ready. Teal'c did the same, both flanking Daniel on either side, leaving Sam to dial the 'gate.

The Major muttered something as well, though more against the men on her team than at their predicament. They always leave the dialing to her or Daniel, it just wasn't fair. Next time, she'll definitely get to be the gun wielding soldier facing the angry, blood-thirsty mobs.

Said mob made no move to stop them from leaving; they just encircled the group, staring at them intently but leaving a good amount of space between them and the team.

Daniel was saying something in their language, hands up and palms out in a gesture of peace, urging them to calm down or stay back, Jack couldn't tell. He just hope they'll listen for just another minute or two.

The Ka-woosh that sounded as the 'gate formed the link to home was the most welcoming sound they've heard all day. Sam quickly entered the IDC code. But instead of a receiving a confirmation, their radios unexpected crackled to life.

"SG-1? This is General Hammond. I'm afraid we're experiencing a malfunction with the Iris. We would have contacted you earlier to dial the Alpha Site had we known you'd be ahead of schedule. Is everything okay?"

"Ah, General, not exactly. We'll explain later. Heading to the Alpha Site as soon as you cut the connection, sir." Jack said, trying not to sound like he was hurrying the General along. The 'gate shut down only moments later. "If we die because of some technical difficulties, I'll be really pissed."

"Jack, the natives are getting restless." Daniel said.

Jack did notice their raising agitation as he spoke to Hammond but assumed Daniel would take care of it. "So get them unrestless!"

"What?" Daniel could still get thrown off by Jack's unexpected, and often untimely, quips.

"Daniel Jackson, they are coming closer." Teal'c rumbled, sounding displeased. "Would a show of force be of benefit to us?"

"Probably not; they know they outnumber us. Plus, they're more afraid of their god than mere mortals who dare disrupt a sacred dance in worship of said god."

Jack said, "I would hardly call what they were doing a dance. I know I'd be offended if they named a dance like that after me."

Sam tried to block the men's chatter out of her mind as she dial up the Alpha Site right after the connection between them and Earth was severed. She was about to push the 5th symbol when a rock bounced off of the surface mere inches from her fingers. She snatched her hand back quickly and couldn't help giving a startled yelp.

"Carter, you okay?" Jack asked though he never took his eyes off the mob. They were getting bolder and Daniel's placating words seem to have no effect.

"Yes, sir.." Sam eyed the crowd. When she reach for the DHD again, another rock came hurling toward her. Had she not noticed and ducked when she did, no doubt it'd have connected quite painfully with her head. "They seem to be getting more aggressive."

"I'm doing the best I can. They didn't know we came here via the Stargate and now they're convinced we're some evil spirits who've come to anger their god and create general havoc."

"Not again. Evil spirits? Really? This is getting old."

"Jack, try to keep your voice.. pleasant. You're just aggravating their fears. And Teal'c, smile." Daniel smiled in demonstration.

"I swear we did this before!" Jack said pleasantly.

Sam, meanwhile, tried again. The attempt earned her a shower of small rocks and what looked like crude flint knives. "Guys? Can you distract them for a bit? I just need two more symbols."

Daniel said something rapidly in their language, which earned them a few extra seconds as they tried to digest what he said to them. Then to the rest of the team's amazement, they backed up a step or two.

"What you say to them?"

"You're not going to like this." Daniel replied.

"Of course not. What did you say?"

Sam, Teal'c, and Jack all looked at Daniel as he tried to think of the best way to tell Jack. In the end, he settled for blunt: "I told them that we're not who they think we are and to prove that, we'll do a ritual of our own to please their god, as a token of our goodwill."

"And what ritual would that be, Daniel Jackson?"

"Um, anything. We just need to buy enough time for Sam to open the gate and send our IDC codes, right?"

"So, what are you going to do?" Jack wanted to know.

"Not me. This is the part you won't like." Daniel smiled nervously, "you being our leader and all, you'll be doing a dance to call upon rain to fall on the parched soil. Roughly translated to what I said to them."

"ME?" Jack nearly shouted.

"Sam can't do it, she's already got a job. I have to describe every step you do to the natives so they won't think we're cursing them. Teal'c," Daniel paused. "Well, I just can't ask Teal'c to do it."

"But you can ask ME!" Jack threw up his hands in exasperation. "A rain dance!"

"Just make something up." Daniel almost pleaded. He could sense the mob getting restless again.

Jack glared at his teammates. Then he slowly, reluctantly, stepped up to the space cleared by the encroaching natives. "I swear to god... if any of this gets out, misery _will_ be visited upon each and every one of you."


End file.
